Where did the summer go?

My oh my, the summer did fly. Although, the weather is still quite summery for us Canadians, so I will not complain about that! September is here already, and school has begun. Getting back into the routine of things was a bit of a challenge, but I am almost enjoying it. I am not really enjoying letting my baby go off to Kindergarten, but I guess that is part of life, letting go. (insert big sigh here)

The thing I am excited about is getting into a routine of not eating out on a whim, or eating at my parents on a whim. I am down 96 pounds now. Not as much as I would have liked to lose this summer, but you will not hear me complain about losing 96 pounds. When I am at home in my perfect bubble I have self control. I go out, or over to someone’s house, and *poof* what diet? I am working on it, and getting better, slowly I might add. It has been a good challenge for me, because real life does not involve staying in a bubble all the time. I don’t think that would be much fun either.

Four more pounds to go…wish me luck.

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Published in: on September 9, 2006 at 5:59 pm  Comments (1)  

Ah yes, neglecting the blog. I don’t know why, every time I think I should write in here, I don’t want to. Everyday living gets in the way of the things you wish to put as priorities in your life sometimes. I wish I was more of a disciplined, dedicated to my goals kinda person. Alas, I am not. Not even close. I am a go with the flow, whatever happens, happens kind of gal. The thing is, I hate it. I hate that I always have a long list of chores to do, (see I make lists) but never get anywhere near getting them done. I have a long list of friends to catch up with, but laundry, or errands get in the way. I am not really sure where I am going with this, because I do not have any deep revelations, or ideas on how to handle this. I don’t suppose making a list will help now will it?

On the weight loss front things are going well. Slowly going well. I am down 90 pounds now. Yup, 90. Wow, that is an accomplishmentif I have ever made one. Go me. I don’t know how much more I want to lose. I am comfortable in my own skin now which is a great thing. I have a little tummy still I would like to go, and flabby arms that need toning. Other than that, I am pretty darn happy with the whole body image deal. I guess I do accomplish my goals sometimes now don’t I??

Published in: on July 24, 2006 at 5:27 pm  Leave a Comment  

Adventures

I love my kids.  They drive me bonkers sometimes, but they mean the world to me.  They are so smart and funny and have a lifetime of adventures awaiting them.  I sometimes feel so much pressure to make sure that they are well rounded, non jaded human beings.  I don't want my daughter to struggle with weight issues like I have most of my life.  I am not sure how to make sure that does not happen.  I never talk about my weight in front of her, and I always tell her how beautiful she is.  I just don't even want her to think about weight.  I just want her to be healthy, and she is.  She is getting more beautiful everyday. 

 I have been having so much fun with the kids these last few years, that I have been dreading the teenage years when Mom and Dad are not so much fun anymore.  I just pray we develop such a good relationship now, that when the teenage years hit, we still can have fun together.  I am looking forward to going on fun adventures with the kids.  Now that I am getting healthier I am looking forward to hiking in the mountains with them, and doing more outdoorsy stuff.  My son wants to sky dive though.  I am not that adventurous. 

Published in: on May 6, 2006 at 4:41 pm  Leave a Comment  

Easter

I love Easter weekend. I love the chocolate, love it way to much. But hey I had some self control, and was pretty proud of my self. I used to think that if there was chocolate in my house, it was my duty to eat it, so it will be gone and not tempt me anymore. Do you think I could just throw it away? Oh no. That would be so wasteful! So I ate it and gained 5 pounds I am sure every time.

What I love most about Easter is what it represents. Jesus Christ died and rose again. For me. He loves me that much. That is something I have a hard time wrapping my head around. I am so thankful He was so unselfish. It just is so amazing.

Published in: on April 17, 2006 at 2:40 pm  Leave a Comment  

Juggling

Multi-tasking.  Everyone loves a multi-tasker.  In every job interview I have ever had they ask me if I can multi-task.  I can, and I am quite good at it for the most part.  I love lists, so they get me through it.  But when my list is longer than my arm, I go a little nutso.  I start to lose it, getting bombarded from every direction with expectations and demands.  It sucks.  I want to be a good wife, mother, friend, plus a thousand other things.  I hate saying no, or feeling like I am letting someone down.  The thing about that is, I end up letting my husband or kids down, because they are easier to say no to.  When I end up doing something out of pure obligation, I end up resenting it.  That is why I am slowly but surely figuring out how to say the word no.  I will take some practice, but I am getting better.  I just have to remind myself of that on days like today. 

Published in: on April 7, 2006 at 2:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

What a difference 75 pounds makes…

I have lost 75 pounds now.  Seventy five.  SEVENTY FIVE POUNDS.  As you can tell, it has not quite sunk in yet.  I feel amazing.  I can't even begin to tell you how freeing it is to shed this fat shell I was wearing.  I feel so normal.  I used to always think people were looking at me because I was so big.  Now when they look at me I think "What, do I have something in my teeth?"  It is so nice shopping for clothes when you have a shape.  Now I look for something that flatters my good curves instead of hiding my bad curves. 

 I have become obsessed with reading weight loss blogs.  I feel such comradery with women like me battling the same war.  I cry for them when they fail and beat themselves up, and rejoice with them when they reach their goals.  That is another reason I like Weight Watchers.  Loosing weight is such a hard challenge, why not have some support and help to make it a little easier to fight? 

Sometimes I get frustrated at seeing how far I would still like to go, and how long it is taking.  All I have to do however, is take a look at how far I have come, and how much smaller my butt is, and I am much happier.  It is that whole perspective thing again.  Like Martha says, it is a good thing. 

Published in: on March 31, 2006 at 5:50 pm  Leave a Comment  

Don’t Lose Heart

I was reading my bible on Wednesday morning.  I have been trying to be more faithful with that, it is not always easy to take the time to do that.   Anyway, a verse just stuck out to me.

 2 Corinthians 4:18

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It really helps with that whole perspective thing I was talking about the other day.  My focus needs to be the big picture, not just the problem right in front of us.  Then as I was driving home yesterday, the little radio devotion was based on this same verse.  It kind of shook me up.  I asked God what he was trying to teach me.  Then I became afraid.  What if something horrible is going to happen, and this verse is supposed to help me through it.  Fear gripped my heart.  I started to panic, thinking, oh God, what are you going to do to me?  Then I remembered something back from my bible school days.  Fear is not from God, if God is trying to show us something, He does not do it by striking us with fear.  He does it in a way that draws us to him.  I had to make a choice right then, not to fear.  Not to be afraid, but to choose life and freedom in Christ.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!  (2 Corinthians 3:17)  God is so faithful and so good.  I am going to try to look at things from His perspective and choose not to fear.  It won’t always be easy, but that’s okay.  I have a Him to lean on and run to. 

 

Published in: on March 24, 2006 at 4:07 pm  Leave a Comment  

Spring has sprung! Yeah, right.

Spring, ah Spring.  I think of birds chirping, grass growing again, new life.  Well, it has snowed here more than a foot and a half, and I see no signs of spring.  It is really depressing actually.  But, that is just me.  My kids are in heaven with all this white fluffy stuff to play in.  Perspective is a powerful thing.  The exact same thing happens, and some people are glad, some ticked, and some just stuck in the snow somewhere.  I guess that just makes me think, there really is power in having perspective.  If I focus on how much weight I have lost, I am just so happy.  When I focus on how much I have left, and how I have hit this plateau that I can’t seem to shake, I get really depressed.  I think I will try and choose the happy stuff, and try to avoid the sad stuff.  I mean really, what is the point? 

Published in: on March 21, 2006 at 9:25 pm  Leave a Comment  

Family

I love my family. They are somewhat crazy. But good crazy. Life would really be boring without them. My parents came up to visit for a week. I am thirty one years old and I adore my parents. I love them and appreciate them now more that I ever have in my life. My parents are so supportive and fun. I never ever imagined when I was a teenager that I would have fun hanging out with my parents. Now I look forward to it. My mom and I go on dates together, and shop together. I used to HATE shopping with my mother. She would make me try on horrible clothes that were itchy and full of static. It was pure torture. Now I torment her when she tries on some denim shirt with butterflies embroidered all over it. It is so. much. fun.

The best part about my parents is how much they adore my kids. Every kid needs grandparents like my parents. They will always snuggle, read or play.

I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I am growing older. It is not to bad watching myself get older, but seeing my parents grow old, and my kids getting so big. I know that I will not have my parents forever. That is unimaginable to me right now. I just have to choose to enjoy each day, not worry about the future, and be thankful for every single minute I have with my family. Sounds like a plan to me. I am off to snuggle my son.

Published in: on March 17, 2006 at 4:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

A Great day!

Okay, who on earth would think a morning in the grocery store would bring about such joy?  God does work in mysterious ways because it was a great morning shopping.  (and I even brought my five year old!)  So, I am trying to get in and get my groceries as quickly as possible so I don’t have to drive home in the blizzard that is just starting as I get to the store.  I get all my stuff, and I see the two crazy long line ups.  Okay, they have over 15 registers, and they have two cashiers?  Crazy.  So just as I am about to hit the end of one line, a new cashier waves me over to come to her.  Loved her right away.  So then, when I am paying she can’t read my signature on my credit card.  She asked me for my drivers license, so I hand it over.  Then, get this… she looks at it and says incredulously “this is you?” I wanted to hug her.  She did not recognize me with all the weight gone.  That brings such joy to my heart.  It also makes me happy because  almost every single person who has noticed my weight loss has been looking at me from behind when they notice.  I can’t even tell you how many times I have heard from behind me “WOW, you have lost weight!” It cracks me up, but really makes me wonder how extremely large my butt was to begin with. Well, whether from in front or behind, when someone compliments me, I will take it!

Published in: on March 10, 2006 at 6:48 pm  Leave a Comment