What a difference 75 pounds makes…

I have lost 75 pounds now.  Seventy five.  SEVENTY FIVE POUNDS.  As you can tell, it has not quite sunk in yet.  I feel amazing.  I can't even begin to tell you how freeing it is to shed this fat shell I was wearing.  I feel so normal.  I used to always think people were looking at me because I was so big.  Now when they look at me I think "What, do I have something in my teeth?"  It is so nice shopping for clothes when you have a shape.  Now I look for something that flatters my good curves instead of hiding my bad curves. 

 I have become obsessed with reading weight loss blogs.  I feel such comradery with women like me battling the same war.  I cry for them when they fail and beat themselves up, and rejoice with them when they reach their goals.  That is another reason I like Weight Watchers.  Loosing weight is such a hard challenge, why not have some support and help to make it a little easier to fight? 

Sometimes I get frustrated at seeing how far I would still like to go, and how long it is taking.  All I have to do however, is take a look at how far I have come, and how much smaller my butt is, and I am much happier.  It is that whole perspective thing again.  Like Martha says, it is a good thing. 

Published in: on March 31, 2006 at 5:50 pm  Leave a Comment  

Don’t Lose Heart

I was reading my bible on Wednesday morning.  I have been trying to be more faithful with that, it is not always easy to take the time to do that.   Anyway, a verse just stuck out to me.

 2 Corinthians 4:18

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It really helps with that whole perspective thing I was talking about the other day.  My focus needs to be the big picture, not just the problem right in front of us.  Then as I was driving home yesterday, the little radio devotion was based on this same verse.  It kind of shook me up.  I asked God what he was trying to teach me.  Then I became afraid.  What if something horrible is going to happen, and this verse is supposed to help me through it.  Fear gripped my heart.  I started to panic, thinking, oh God, what are you going to do to me?  Then I remembered something back from my bible school days.  Fear is not from God, if God is trying to show us something, He does not do it by striking us with fear.  He does it in a way that draws us to him.  I had to make a choice right then, not to fear.  Not to be afraid, but to choose life and freedom in Christ.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!  (2 Corinthians 3:17)  God is so faithful and so good.  I am going to try to look at things from His perspective and choose not to fear.  It won’t always be easy, but that’s okay.  I have a Him to lean on and run to. 

 

Published in: on March 24, 2006 at 4:07 pm  Leave a Comment  

Spring has sprung! Yeah, right.

Spring, ah Spring.  I think of birds chirping, grass growing again, new life.  Well, it has snowed here more than a foot and a half, and I see no signs of spring.  It is really depressing actually.  But, that is just me.  My kids are in heaven with all this white fluffy stuff to play in.  Perspective is a powerful thing.  The exact same thing happens, and some people are glad, some ticked, and some just stuck in the snow somewhere.  I guess that just makes me think, there really is power in having perspective.  If I focus on how much weight I have lost, I am just so happy.  When I focus on how much I have left, and how I have hit this plateau that I can’t seem to shake, I get really depressed.  I think I will try and choose the happy stuff, and try to avoid the sad stuff.  I mean really, what is the point? 

Published in: on March 21, 2006 at 9:25 pm  Leave a Comment  

Family

I love my family. They are somewhat crazy. But good crazy. Life would really be boring without them. My parents came up to visit for a week. I am thirty one years old and I adore my parents. I love them and appreciate them now more that I ever have in my life. My parents are so supportive and fun. I never ever imagined when I was a teenager that I would have fun hanging out with my parents. Now I look forward to it. My mom and I go on dates together, and shop together. I used to HATE shopping with my mother. She would make me try on horrible clothes that were itchy and full of static. It was pure torture. Now I torment her when she tries on some denim shirt with butterflies embroidered all over it. It is so. much. fun.

The best part about my parents is how much they adore my kids. Every kid needs grandparents like my parents. They will always snuggle, read or play.

I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I am growing older. It is not to bad watching myself get older, but seeing my parents grow old, and my kids getting so big. I know that I will not have my parents forever. That is unimaginable to me right now. I just have to choose to enjoy each day, not worry about the future, and be thankful for every single minute I have with my family. Sounds like a plan to me. I am off to snuggle my son.

Published in: on March 17, 2006 at 4:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

A Great day!

Okay, who on earth would think a morning in the grocery store would bring about such joy?  God does work in mysterious ways because it was a great morning shopping.  (and I even brought my five year old!)  So, I am trying to get in and get my groceries as quickly as possible so I don’t have to drive home in the blizzard that is just starting as I get to the store.  I get all my stuff, and I see the two crazy long line ups.  Okay, they have over 15 registers, and they have two cashiers?  Crazy.  So just as I am about to hit the end of one line, a new cashier waves me over to come to her.  Loved her right away.  So then, when I am paying she can’t read my signature on my credit card.  She asked me for my drivers license, so I hand it over.  Then, get this… she looks at it and says incredulously “this is you?” I wanted to hug her.  She did not recognize me with all the weight gone.  That brings such joy to my heart.  It also makes me happy because  almost every single person who has noticed my weight loss has been looking at me from behind when they notice.  I can’t even tell you how many times I have heard from behind me “WOW, you have lost weight!” It cracks me up, but really makes me wonder how extremely large my butt was to begin with. Well, whether from in front or behind, when someone compliments me, I will take it!

Published in: on March 10, 2006 at 6:48 pm  Leave a Comment  

Best Friends

My theory is life would really suck without a best friend.  My best friend when I was in Kindergarten was Marla.  She rocked.  She was brave and funny.  I was shy and timid.  She made my whole school experience a lot less scary.  My best friend in high school was a tom boy whose nickname was “Bob”.  She was awesome and outgoing.  We had many adventures together.  We grew apart but still remain friends.  Never move in with your best friend.  It is a great way to kill a friendship. 

My best friend now is an amazing woman who gets me.  I can be me.  I can say something stupid, and she knows what I meant to say.  I can go two weeks without talking to her and she does not think I am mad at her and don’t love her anymore.  I can cry, laugh, whine, pray, complain to, and lean on her.  Not having that?  I can’t imagine.

I have a wonderful circle of friends.  Awesome friends that help make my life rich and full.  I cherish them with all of my heart.  That is a gift from God.  That is a part of my life that helps make it rich and full. 

I do know that some friendships are for a season, and some are for a lifetime.  I am thankful for every one of them.  They helped make me who I am today.  I like that. 

Published in: on March 8, 2006 at 7:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

Long Journey’s

This past nine months I have lost 65 pounds.  It feels amazing.  I feel like me again.  Which is strange really.  I have always been me.  I have just had this shell of fat over me that I hid in.  I am more comfortable in my own skin now.  I don’t worry about sitting in smaller chairs, or squeezing in between friends in the kitchen, things like that.  Letting go of those fears has brought me out more. Out of my shell.  I hating looking at myself in the mirror, so I tried to never have the attention on me because I did not want others to see what I saw.  It sounds silly now that I type it, but it was very real to me.  

This journey of weight loss has really been about so much more than weight.  It is about choices, sticking to those choices, discovering why I do the things I do.  It has been one interesting journey, one I am very thankful for.   Before I started losing weight, I prayed, cried, wished with all my heart that the weight would just be gone.  I pleaded with God to take it away, telling Him I could not do it myself.  It was just to hard for me.  Then one day a light bulb went on in my head.  I could do it, I want to do it, and I will do it.  I am not doing it alone, God is my strength, my husband has been so supportive as well as my friends.  I have learned not to settle for good enough in my life anymore.  My weight right now?  I am happy where I am, I feel comfortable in my skin.  But I have more to go, it is not good enough.  I want to actually feel sexy for my hubby.  Never in my life have I felt that way, no matter how many times he tells me I am already.  I know when I am done my journey, I will have hanging skin, and those stretch marks will still be there.  However, if I have all my big lumps and bumps gone, that will be a wonderful day.  I will feel sexy that day.  Stretch marks and all.

 

 

Published in: on March 6, 2006 at 6:41 pm  Leave a Comment  

Perspective

My poor baby girl has a earache.  (okay, she is eight, not really a baby, but she is still my baby)  I hate it when my kids are in pain.  It just makes my stomach turn inside out to see them so uncomfortable.  I want them healthy and happy.  Recently a little girl in my son’s class got diagnosed with leukemia.  A parents worst nightmare.  I can not even begin to imagine the heartbreak involved in wondering every day if your precious little child will live or die this day.  Her parents are so strong, and handling everything so well.  I would be a big blubbering mess.  I think it just shows really how much God does give you the strength to handle each situation as it comes.  Not that it is always easy, but manageable.  Earaches, tummy aches, and everyday problems just seem so small when you think about this poor little girl fighting for her life.  So instead of thinking this morning of how sick kids are turning my day upside down today, I will smooch them, and be thankful I have them to hold.  Perspective is a powerful thing.

Published in: on March 5, 2006 at 4:18 pm  Leave a Comment  

Dumb things to do on a Saturday…

Going to Costco is never a good idea on a Saturday. I LOVE Costco, but I hate it on Saturday’s.  It is like every crazy person in the city goes to Costco on Saturday’s.  Not only that, but they bring their crazy kids too.  Loud crazy kids.  But today, I had to do it.  I had to go, and take my kids.  I know, I am just asking for trouble.  I handled it okay though.  I prepared myself for the chaos, took a deep breath and did it.  A snotty little kid stole the last free snack from my son.  A lady stood in the MIDDLE of the main isle and decided to chat with a friend for 20 minutes while everyone had to squeeze and push around her.  Why did I not lose it and turn crazy like all the other crazies you may ask?  Because I knew what I was in for.  It is amazing what a little planning ahead can do.  I did not get angry, or want to run out screaming.  I guess that is a life lesson.  Plan ahead, take a deep breath, don’t let the crazies make you like them, and most importantly, NEVER go to Costco on a Saturday. 

Published in: on March 4, 2006 at 9:32 pm  Leave a Comment  

We’ve only just begun

Well, here I am.  I have started about ten blogs, and never stick to them.  Seems to be the story of my life.  Starting something and never seeing it through.  Big ideas, great ideas.  Then it fizzles out to be not worth the time and energy.  I don’t want to do that anymore.

I have started to change, so I am pretty sure I can do this.  My life in this past year has changed for the better.  Me deciding to do something and sticking to it.  I want to document my feelings, prayers, funny stories so I can look back and remember where I have come from, and see where I want to go.

 Here we go…..

Published in: on March 3, 2006 at 4:27 pm  Leave a Comment