Long Journey’s

This past nine months I have lost 65 pounds.  It feels amazing.  I feel like me again.  Which is strange really.  I have always been me.  I have just had this shell of fat over me that I hid in.  I am more comfortable in my own skin now.  I don’t worry about sitting in smaller chairs, or squeezing in between friends in the kitchen, things like that.  Letting go of those fears has brought me out more. Out of my shell.  I hating looking at myself in the mirror, so I tried to never have the attention on me because I did not want others to see what I saw.  It sounds silly now that I type it, but it was very real to me.  

This journey of weight loss has really been about so much more than weight.  It is about choices, sticking to those choices, discovering why I do the things I do.  It has been one interesting journey, one I am very thankful for.   Before I started losing weight, I prayed, cried, wished with all my heart that the weight would just be gone.  I pleaded with God to take it away, telling Him I could not do it myself.  It was just to hard for me.  Then one day a light bulb went on in my head.  I could do it, I want to do it, and I will do it.  I am not doing it alone, God is my strength, my husband has been so supportive as well as my friends.  I have learned not to settle for good enough in my life anymore.  My weight right now?  I am happy where I am, I feel comfortable in my skin.  But I have more to go, it is not good enough.  I want to actually feel sexy for my hubby.  Never in my life have I felt that way, no matter how many times he tells me I am already.  I know when I am done my journey, I will have hanging skin, and those stretch marks will still be there.  However, if I have all my big lumps and bumps gone, that will be a wonderful day.  I will feel sexy that day.  Stretch marks and all.

 

 

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Published in: on March 6, 2006 at 6:41 pm  Leave a Comment  

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